


Being Shitty

by There_Once_Was_A_Girl



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/There_Once_Was_A_Girl/pseuds/There_Once_Was_A_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shitty gets a phone call from the Dean two weeks before graduating Harvard Law school.</p>
<p>Jack gets a phone call a few hours later from his doorman claiming that there's a guy in just his boxers attempting to climb up to his balcony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Shitty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheUnvanquishedZims](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnvanquishedZims/gifts).



> This fic was inspired by a post by TheUnvanquishedZims over on tumblr at http://theunvanquishedzims.tumblr.com/ who requested a fic in which Jack has to explain that yes, the half naked hippie hanging from his balcony is actually his lawyer, and Shitty has been driven to such actions by being asked to be Valedictorian of his class at Harvard. (I would link to the post but honestly I don't know how). 
> 
> I don't know anything about how the graduating process actually works at Harvard this is just silliness. 
> 
> I don't own anything Check Please

“May I speak with, Mr Knight please?” the very official sounding voice calling from Harvard asked. Shitty froze. He had just gotten home from the firm where he was working as an intern. He hadn’t even closed the door yet. 

“That’s me.” He answered, swinging the door closed. 

“This is Dean Martha Minow.” The official sounding voice told him. 

“I assure you Ma’am, any allegations laid against me are false. I am graduating soon, and it wouldn’t be worth your trouble to punish me for-”

“You aren’t in trouble, Mr Knight.” Ms. Minow said, chuckling from the other end of the line. “Though I have heard stories. I don’t want to know what it is you were afraid I was calling about. I have called to offer you my congratulations.” 

“Congratulations Ma’am?” He asked. “For what? Did I win the lottery?” 

“You are graduating in two weeks, Mr Knight. I called you to congratulate you for your excellent marks in your three years here at Harvard Law. The highest of marks in fact. I’m calling to ask if you would give a speech at graduation as the valedictorian of the class of 2018?” She asked. Shitty dropped his phone, then scrambled on the ground to pick it up again. 

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. Yes. Yes, I would be honored, thank you.” He said hurriedly. 

“I’m very glad to hear that, Mr Knight. When you have finished writing your speech, please email it to me for review. The deadline is the evening before graduation. I look forwards to hearing what you have to say.” She said. 

“Of course man, thank you, again. Ms. Minow.” He added. 

“Thank you, Mr Knight. Have a nice day.” She agreed. The line went dead. Shitty was left sitting on the floor of his apartment in shock. His first thought was that he had better get up from the floor before he ruined his best suit. Then he gasped in horror. 

“What have I become?!” He asked himself. Now he had three thoughts: A) He needed to get the hell out of this suit. B) He needed to get as high as a kite as soon as humanly possible. C) He needed to see Jack Zimmerman, like, yesterday. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack was in the locker room shower after practice when he got the call.

“Jack, your phone is ringing for the fourth time, same number, not in your contacts, you want me to answer it?” Alexei called in to him. 

“Please, I’ll be out in a second.” Jack yelled back. He rinsed off quickly and wrapped a towel tightly around his waist before stepping into the main locker room. Alexei looked up at him with a bemused face. 

“Umm, Zims… it’s your doorman. He says there’s a… nearly naked hippie dude in Wonder Woman boxers who is attempting to scale the building to your balcony. They asked him to come down, but he said he needed to see, and these are his exact words ‘Jackabelle Zimmermann’ immediately. He’s says he’s your lawyer.” Alexei relayed, too damn confused to even laugh. Not that this was stopping the other guys. 

“Crisse! I can’t believe him sometimes.” Jack swore, holding his hand out for the phone. “Yes, this is Jack Zimmermann.” he said, distinctly aware of everyone’s eyes on him. There was talking from the other line that the guys couldn’t hear. Jack sighed. 

“No, please don’t call the police.” He said, another paused, “No. I know him. Just haul him inside before he hurts himself. Put him in my apartment and confiscate his weed, I’ll be there soon… No, I know he’s in his boxers… just trust me when I say there will be weed to confiscate. Please don’t call the cops. I’m on my way.” When he hung up the phone and looked up all of the guys were staring at him. 

“What the hell is that all about Zimmermann?” One of them asked. “Do you seriously know the guy or do you just not want him to get in trouble. Jack shook his head tiredly as he started getting dressed. 

“I know him.” He muttered, “He’s not lying about being my lawyer, or he will be if he doesn’t get himself arrested first. He’s my best friend.” 

“Your best friend, is a lawyer, who is currently hanging mostly naked from the side of your apartment building?” Alexei asked for clarification. 

“Well, he graduates from Harvard in two weeks, but yeah.” Jack agreed. “Alexei can you give me a ride home? I really need to take care of this.” He added. His friend nodded, still looking a bit shocked. The other guys were literally gasping for breath from laughing so hard. Jack’s phone rang again. 

“What now?” He asked when he answered, then sighed heavily at the response. “Well listen is there anyway you can get the phone to him?... Thank you I’ll wait.” He said, sounding more exasperated than any of his teammates had ever heard him sound. “He won’t come down.” He explained. Finally the hold music went away. 

“JAAACK!!! FINALLY!” A voice screamed from the other end of the line, so loud the entire locker room could hear it. 

“Shitty, what on earth are you doing?” Jack asked. 

“Dean Minow, called today.” Shitty shouted at the other end, though it was less offensively loud. 

“What did you do?” Jack asked. 

“Nothing! I’m valedictorian! She asked me to write a speech!” Shitty said cheerfully. Jack took a deep breath. 

“That’s fantastic, Shits.” he said, trying to stay calm, “Now could you please go inside of the building and wait for me there? We can celebrate.” 

“NO!” Shitty shouted from the other end of the line. Jack looked like he had known this answer was coming, “DOn’t you get it?! I didn’t do anything, Jack! I’m not in trouble! I haven’t… I haven’t upset the system! Somehow I ended up playing their game! I was even worried about my suit earlier! ME worried about messing up my SUIT!” 

“So you decided to strip, get high and attempt to scale my apartment building?” Jack asked. 

“YUP!” Shitty shouted back, “I going to prove to the world, that I AM STILL ME!” Jack took a deep breath, his face settling into a determined mask.

“Shitty, go inside.” He said in a commanding voice that none of his teammates had heard before. 

“Don’t you dare Captain Voice me, Jack Zimmermann!” Shitty protested.

“Barnabas Edward Knight, you get inside right now before you hurt yourself or get arrested and ruin your future.” Jack ordered. “You know better than to think that anything, your name, or your clothes, your job, or your graduation status, changes who you are as a person.” He said firmly. There was silence from the other end of the line. 

“Shitty, go inside. I don’t want you getting hurt.” Jack added his voice more kind and affectionate, though no less commanding. 

“Okay, Jack. I’m inside.” Shitty finally said from the other end of the line, “You’re such a spoilsport Zimmermann.” He added, and Jack could hear his grin through the phone. He smiled. 

“I’ll see you soon, Shits.” He told him. The line went dead from Shitty’s end. Jack ignored the muttering from his teammates in favor of towing Alexei out of the locker room and towards the parking lot. His teammate was silent for a while as they drove, then glanced over at Jack. 

“I’ve never heard you use that voice before, Zims. You have a pretty good captain voice on you. You sounded like a leader.” He said at last. Jack shrugged. 

“I’m just trying to take care of the people I care about.” he muttered

“Exactly. You’ve got a good heart, Jack. You care. What’s more you’re good at getting things done when you care. If you let that show around the team more often, instead of hanging back, you would make a great team captain.” Alexei told him, voice kind and sincere. Jack didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’ll do my best.” He said as they pulled up to the front of his apartment building. “And thanks for the ride home.”

“No problem. I’m always glad to help out a friend in need. Go help your friend. I;ll see you tomorrow.” The other man told him as he climbed out of the car. Jack lifted a hand as a goodbye and hurried up to his apartment. 

When he got into his living room, Jack found Shitty sprawled across his couch, thankfully still wearing his Wonder Woman boxers. Jack had been worried he would take them off. They were old and ratty and left little to the imagination but it was better than nothing. Shitty looked up at him.

“You said my full name.” he said slowly. Jack nodded, face carefully and completely blank. Shitty shook his head in disdain. “Low blow, Zimmermann, low blow.” He was only capable of maintaining his serious angry expression for a few seconds before he grinned warmly. Jack pulled his best friend into a hug.

“Congratulations, Shitty, really.” He told him. Shitty nodded. 

“Yeah, thanks man. It wasn’t what I imagined, but it’ll be good,” he said. “Plus, I get to give a speech.” He added with an evil glint to his eyes. Jack groaned but didn’t even try to warn him off saying something absurd in his speech. There would be no point to it. Instead, he grabs them both a beer and flops onto the couch next to Shitty so that they can celebrate. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack is there at Shitty’s Graduation. His speech is a thing of wonder… Jack frames the horrified news article printed about it and hangs it proudly next to a picture of Shitty and him sitting on the porch roof. In the photo, Shitty is completely naked, his limbs artfully arranged to keep the picture decent, Jack is wearing a suit having just come back from an interview. There are two beer bottles between them and the sun is setting in the distance so the details of their faces are almost shadowed, but the matching grins on their faces come through crystal clear. It’s one of Jack’s favorite pictures. (Second only to one of him and Bitty in Georgia underneath the fireworks that first summer they were together). He likes to look at it next to the picture in the newspaper clipping, where Shitty stands at a podium in his suit, cap, and gown. The two pictures looked so different, like two different people, but when you read the text around the newspaper picture, it was easy to tell, Shitty would always be Shitty.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I'll put the full "prompt" post here:  
> Someone write me a future fic where somebody comes up to Jack in the locker room as says “Uh Zimmermann, the hotel called, there’s a mostly-naked hippie dude climbing your balcony, says he’s your lawyer, should they call the police” and he has to say no, that actually is his lawyer.  
> the lead-in when I first thought this up was that Shitty was asked to be valedictorian or salutatorian of his graduating class at Harvard and it freaked him out so much he needed to 1. get high 2. get out of this F***ING SUIT RIGHT NOW and 3. find Jack right this minute.  
> Jack uses his Captain Voice to talk him down over the phone and everyone on the team is slightly weirded out seeing shy awkward Jack turn into Captain Jack.


End file.
